So my whole life ive never really been skinny/thin. Ive always been average. The type of average where everyone tells you you aren’t fat but you know your not thin either. The type where you cant wear the clothes you want to or be the person you truley want to be. Yet noone understands this, just because im not huge they think im happy with my weight, they think that jokey comments wont hurt me.
I’m the youngest of 3, and my middle sister has always been skinny (until she got pregnant) Shes never worried or had problems with her weight, she was perfect. Thats when i first realisezed that i was the fat child of the family, maybe i was just born fat. Now that im older, she feels its okay to tell me im bigger than her and my bellys ‘big’. hmph..
Anyway, ive always been pretty fit and outgoing. Always, played sports at school and joined in anything i can. Its such a put off tho because i did trampolining and wearing leotards for compotitions wasnt exactly the best thing to boost my confidence. You see those girls who look perfect wearing one, then theres just me. Im like a big ball of flab.
I am so so insecure and nobody realises that, not even my friends. But i get on with it, ive learnt to just pretend that i look good or pretend that im happy with what im wearing. I hate myself, i never feel comfy in anything and am so jealous of other girls its unbeliveable. But without them i wouldnt be doing this!
Enough of the negatives, I am going to change. Im going to be comfortable in my own skin and not worry about being judged. When im judged ill be judged for looking good, or how much ive changed, or how skinny/fit ive got. I cant wait for that day an i know it will happen. Yes i binge, yes i have bad days where i crave pizza like mad. But who doesnt, i have healthy days and count my calories all the time, i workout and thats all i can do really. Eventually I’m going to love who ive become and cant wait for you to all see that! ox